(#16) How to Survive the Post-Grad-Scaries
Until a couple of years ago, I never once wished I had an older sister. By the end of my junior year, I started to crave sisterly guidance about navigating life, especially in regards to graduating college. I don’t know how many times I said to myself, “Why did no one warn me life would be like this?!!” While I have no real qualifications to be giving advice besides having graduated college and experienced the year of post-grad-scaries myself, I want to impart bits of wisdom and lessons I wish someone had told me after I graduated college (besides financial advice because you should not take financial advice from an art major). You can’t say I didn’t warn you.
Let us first define the term “post-grad-scaries". This refers to feelings of uncertainty and instability as well as the existential crisis that occurs right after graduating from college. You may be asking yourself, “What am I going to do with the rest of my life?” and “Why does everyone on LinkedIn seem to have it all together and I’m so lost?” and maybe even “Should I just backpack around Asia for six months?”.
Accept that this is a weird time. Take a deep breath, you’ll be okay.
Do something in public service.
The best piece of practical advice about the post-college-scaries comes from something I heard Michelle Obama say on a podcast a few years ago. It goes something along the lines of “If you don’t know what you want to do, do something to help others. Along the way, you will find your purpose.” That piece of advice stuck with me for years and influenced how I planned the year after graduation. You don’t have to join the military, but go find a way you can help your community. Teach at a school, volunteer on the weekends, or work for the government. Do something for other people. I became a bureaucrat, oops I mean, I worked for a local county treasurer’s office. I found public service to be fulfilling–I enjoyed getting to know the community and learning how local governments function. I will always treasure the time I spent working there. Being a public servant is a great way to flex that empathy muscle and expose yourself to the real world while learning practical skills. No, it’s not the way to get rich, but the enrichment you gain will last a lifetime. Use your education and big brain to improve your community. Sometimes that translates to reading documents well and interpreting complex laws and statutes. Other times that means teaching children to read. When you learn to bear some of the responsibility of your community’s function, you also learn you are responsible for your own life.
And if you hate it, you just become more motivated to work towards what you actually want to do.
You're not just going to be one thing in your life.
As children, we are asked “What do you want to be when you grow up?”. It trains our minds to think we are only going to be one thing in life, which is absolutely not the case. Most of our paths are not linear. You may start off as a therapist and later become an entrepreneur and then coach basketball. Take the pressure off of yourself to find the perfect job. You may be limiting yourself. Try different jobs. Be led by curiosity, not ego. Connect with different people. You will learn no matter what. Also, your career doesn't define your life, it’s just a way to support your life.
Be an opportunist and open minded.
When you try to plan your life too much, you miss out on opportunities that would have given you invaluable experiences and stress yourself out unnecessarily. Have an open mind because there really is no right or wrong decision, just different paths. Being an opportunist entails applying to programs and jobs—throwing your hat in the ring for an opportunity and giving yourself a chance. Or it can be saying ‘yes’ to an opportunity that comes your way out of the blue. I am a believer that opportunities present themselves to us when we are ready.
The time you need to believe in yourself the most will be when it will feel the hardest to do so.
When there are no more papers to turn in or tests to take, you have an abundance of time to contemplate what you want your future to look like. This is where the existential crisis comes in and it usually attacks your self confidence and self esteem. Your dreams will seem so far out of reach and everyone else will appear to be thriving. I think this existential crisis causes the brain seek out safe options for your future. A great deal of self-sabotage and a dash of imposter syndrome is likely to occur. I’m going to let you in on a little secret. The secret ingredient that separates you from your goals is having belief in yourself. It’s not skill or a stacked resumé. It is simply having full confidence that you can do the work and overcome any obstacles that come your way. When you are lacking self-confidence and feel confused, however, it is difficult to believe in yourself. You have to force yourself to do it. This is the critical moment in which you have to learn to support yourself. Take the baby steps. Apply for the program or job. Follow through with your small goals. You are fully capable.
Rest, don’t rush.
The great thing about finishing college is the absence of deadlines. After I graduated, I felt exhausted. I knew I wanted to go to grad school, though. Having experienced burn out a couple of times during college, I also knew how important it was that I took a break before going back to school. During my break from school, I rested and gained work experience, but I also clarified my goals. Take some time to rest and go at your own pace and be present.
Take rejection in stride.
I was an alternate for an MFA program (they only took one person that year!!! The program asked me if I was also applying to art history programs which was a sign). Instead of being devastated, I kept telling myself “there is something better out there for me, I just have to find it.” A few days later, I found out I got into my art history program with full funding. It was meant to be. If I had not been rejected, I would have settled for an option that felt safer instead of chasing my dream. Moral of the story: rejection gets you closer to what is right for you.
Don’t go through it alone.
Utilize your support networks and maintain friendships. Ask for help. Call your friends and family often. Laugh and cry together. Knowing how to maintain relationships is a critical skill to have. I will admit that this can be a lonely time. I moved across the country to a small town where I only knew a few people. Suddenly I felt like I could not relate to anyone. I really relied on my long distance friendships and family during this time. I was lucky to have worked with supportive and kind coworkers. I also realized how important it is to seek out opportunities to make friends and to be more outgoing. I learned finding a community of people you connect with is crucial and sometimes it is hard to find. So if you’re planning on moving away from home or where you went to school, prioritize building a community.
Some tough love: You’ve got to get out of your own way.
For me, graduating felt like hatching out of one egg I had outgrown only to find myself in another larger egg unsure how I was going to get out. The reality was I was the only person who could crack the next shell. You have to be the one to figure out your goals and values. I changed my mind on what I wanted to do often over the past year. It is hard to know what steps to take, but the key is to take any step. One step gets you moving. There will be ups and downs, tears of joy and confusion, regrets and celebrations. You don’t have to have it all figured out—you figure it out along the way.
I hope this is helpful! Know you are not alone and that you are enough to change the world. Everything will work out in the end. :)
Sending love,
Sophia aka MooMucca
